Isn’t it funny how life is. One minute things aren’t really going how you’d like and all your plans are falling through–again–and then-Bam! He puts it all at your feet. It was all for a reason.

Remember when I had to drop to part time classes, at WKU, to take a full time job? I was happy about the job–at first–a little put out about taking a step backwards away from my degree. Then over Christmas break, I had to make the decision to drop school completely. That was a real bummer. To know that I would have been graduating right now if I had not taken this job, and now here I am disliking the job and still without my degree. Not to mention, I wouldn’t have had time for classes, lately, because of work, anyway.

Stay with me, this post is not all about not getting what I want.

As all these things happend and I kept asking God “Where are we going here? Wait a minute, I thought…..” And the whole while God was saying “Be patient. Just wait. I have something for you.”

Now that I think about it, there was actually some downfall to being in school full time. Finances were weak and we were stuck in Kentucky, still, until I finished.

Without the job to strengthen our finances and the school schedule out of the way, we couldn’t be going down the path He is leading us now. And with that, I have some big news:

We are moving to Charleston, South Carolina!

With guidance from my Dad and faith in God, Billy has gotten a great job with an energy company in Charleston. He means to make this a career and I couldn’t be more proud or thankful. This man has never held me back or told me ‘no.’ He’s always pushed me and/or been right there beside me to weather the storm. And now here he is making a dream come true. This wouldn’t have happened without his courage and determination.

The move is bitter sweet, though. During our stay in Bowling Green, we accidentally got attached. Go figure. We couldn’t wait to get out of the state and then once we actually start to settle, its time to leave.  We have so many wonderful memories, experiences and friends here. So, in memory of our life in BG, I’m going to do a series of posts over the next few weeks to say goodbye to my favorite things about Bowling Green, Kentucky.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. Fuzzy Little Wishballs is definitely coming with us and you’re invited to come along for the ride. I plan to keep you abreast of all the excitement along the way, as well as introduce you to the beauty of Charleston, which awaits.

Lately, work has been piling on the stress and raising the yuck-factor. We’re very short handed and I’m struggling to cover the hours myself as well as cover my regular duties. The hardest part isn’t the amount time working, rather the amount of time not working. The salon is stealing more and more hours away from my family. Stealing time from my little girl, whom won’t be little forever.

When I don’t have to be concentrating on work, I’m trying to keep only lovely things in mind. Digging in the dirt and climbing trees with Lil. Getting lost in a doodle. Escaping to a faraway land in a novel. Drinking margaritas with my main squeeze. Also, I’m just trying to enjoy being home, in this haven of ours.

Another source of relief is resting in the fact that I don’t have to do it alone. I know its hard right now for a reason. This wall has not been set here to stop or discourage me, rather make me stronger. I know I will benefit from this hard time somehow. This past Sunday’s message has proven to be right on time, I suppose, now that I think about it. I am an overcomer.

Also, I’m keeping this verse in mind:

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

 -Romans 8:18

I have a confession to make. All my life I have been scared of rejection. So much so that I used to beg my siblings to ask for permission anytime we needed it. I know, I know: the worst that could happen was them say ‘no.’ Yeah, but in my head it felt/feels like more than that. I can’t even describe it accurately. Its not just rejection I fear now, though, but also change.

Lately, I’m coming to the realization that getting a job in the creative field will be no easy task for me.  Just achieving my degree seems so far out, still. Much less getting an actual job. And what could a career move, right now, mean for my family? For our lives? What other changes might it require? Its terrifying and scary, to think about.

Over the past month or so, a recurring theme seems to exist in my observations: have courage and go for it. Whether it be about taking risks, chasing after your dreams or having faith that God will see me through it. Its constant. Even my stepmom said these words to me in an email just this morning: Take a deep breath and jump. The strange part was the effect those words seemed to have on me. I instantly felt emotional and I can’t even tell you why.

The job I have now is a good one that gives me management experience and a good paycheck. Its not fulfilling for me, though. Its just a stepping stone. I’ve been praying and begging for signs as to what I should do with my career for months. Lately, I started seeing lots of design opportunities on Craigslist. And then a former peer contacted me with some design work to have done. My designs skills being needed felt great after several months with no classes/projects.

Today, though, my train of thought was ambushed. My dream company posted a link with a job opening. I was excited at first, and then the thoughts of rejection and change took over. Me? They wouldn’t hire me. They are so awesome its intimidating. And change? Holy cow, that would be a big change for us.

I’ve been praying for signs, asking God to scream the answers at me so I don’t miss them. But maybe they’re already there. Maybe I’ve already been seeing them, just not with the right perspective. Maybe all those messages weren’t just coincidence. Maybe those were the signs.

Maybe that’s why my stepmom’s words were so moving. It wasn’t the words, rather the realization. Maybe He’s telling me to go for it. Don’t be scared, He’ll take care of us. My dream career isn’t something I’m going to bump into. Its something I’m going to have to chase after. That might require me running and getting a little out of breath. I might trip and fall. It might even turn around and stick its tongue out at me when I’m lagging just out of reach.

Maybe it will require me to take a deep breath and jump.

Wednesday nights, lately, this family has had a full schedule. Lilie Jo attends Awana, Bill hangs out at men’s small group and I’ve been leading the ladies’ small group. Tonight, though, I’m sitting on the couch with an under-the-weather little girl.

Tonight, my group of ladies is talking about one of my favorite devotionals. Their verse of inspiration is:

I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

-Jesus in Matthew 18:3 NIV

The topic of discussion, specifically, covers prayer. Our way of communicating with God. As with all relationships, especially intimate ones, it needs to be honest and often. It doesn’t require fancy words or sugar coating. Just as a mother loves to hear the chatter of her little ones, our Father loves to here us. And God is big enough to handle it all. Our happy, thankful conversations, as well as our angry, doubtful ones. He just wants to hear us. Honestly.

I hated missing out on sharing this one with the group. But gladly sit here cuddled on the couch with a special someone. Its a verse and lesson I still hold in the front of my mind, though I first read it several, several months ago. However, I figured, instead, I could share/discuss it here. Its been a while since I’ve updated, anyway.

My beautiful little family is still working on putting more good habits in place. We’re still consistently working with a budget. Lilie Jo is learning/memorizing a new Bible verse every week. She asks almost every day if its a church day. He eagerness to grow and learn with the church makes me so happy. Bill has been very consistently working out the past few weeks. This week he picked up a workout partner from church.

I started practicing yoga, at home, this week. I’d like to make this happen at least 5-6 days a week. I understand things may interfere, but my goal is to make it habit. I had originally planned to get a gym membership and attend classes, and then I was suggested to check out Gaiam on Hulu. They even have training for family/children’s yoga. I love all I’ve done with them so far. They have an excellent and informative website with lots of great products, too.

After another week or two, I hope to leave the privacy of my own living room and venture out to attend a hot yoga class. Maybe by then I’ll be a little less sore and a little more flexible. I may have even found a yogi friend or two, already, through all my excited ramblings. Hoping they can teach me a thing or two.

 Is there anything new you’ve been working to integrate into your life? A new habit? A new hobby? Tell me about it.

Hey, darlin! Can you believe its even February already? Another ‘holiday’ is upon us. Yep, I’m talking about Valentine’s day. Warning, if you’re single and bitter, stop here.  However, if you’re married, engaged, committed or may ever even consider being so again, read, on, girl, read on.

Let me start off by asking you a simple question: What does the word grace mean to you? Beauty? Elegance? Class? Good form? Mercy? That’s kind of what I thought, anyway.  It was a pretty word which also worked as a lovely girl’s name. I heard and read about grace a lot in church, but it never really meant anything special for me personally.

During my quiet time one day, a year and a half ago, I was reading an excerpt from my favorite devotional, by Shelia Walsh, Good Morning, Lord. Walsh described the scene from Calvary when the criminal was saved as a ‘vivid picture of grace.’ She defined the word as ‘unmerited favor.’ She even went on to call grace unfair, for it is given despite the many or few good works one has done.

Unmerited favor. I remember looking further into this’grace’ word, that day and stumbled about another definition of the word. I can’t remember where I read it, but someone described grace as stooping to give mercy/love to someone below us.   Then and there, the word grace and all its heaviness suddenly sunk in.

Unmerited favor. Stooping.  I visualized my big, huge, powerful God, in all His perfectness, stooping to love on messy, dirty, sin-filled me.

How does that connect to Valentine’s Day? Its about making a successful marriage/relationship using grace.

Have you read the quote “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers?”  Its a good one, but I think its still missing something. I think it requires graceful forgivers.

I, personally have forgiven many people for many things, and vice versa. However, I may not have went on to nurture the relationship I had with them. Yes, forgiveness was given, but maybe not forgotten. Distance grew, maybe to protect myself and/or my child. Was that the godly thing to do? That’s neither here nor there. The point is, you can’t do that in a successful marriage and I’m sure you already know this.

Over the past year, in my new marriage, I have had some real hands on experience learning exactly what it means to give grace.  I won’t sugar coat it, its been a typical first year, I think. The honeymoon ended and we realized we really were stuck with each other. Even though we had been living together already, it was no longer just about the now, but also the future and how we were going to get there.

We both pretty well wanted the same things and to get to the same places. However, our plans for getting there weren’t quite parallel.  There was a lot of pushing and pulling in both directions. There were a few bad habits that needed to be changed and some good habits that needed to be started.

I’ll go ahead and admit that I’m by no means a perfect wife, but I want to share my experience with learning to give grace, in this post.

Mistakes were made and forgiven…. but not properly. Baggage, pride and a lack of grace were holding us back.

When my husband really messed up, I was bitter and found myself preparing for it to happen again. A defense mechanism, perhaps. I’d forgive him, but couldn’t forget it. It got to where I expected the mistakes. Slowly, our mistakes piled up between us.  His apologies become meaningless word vomit, to me. My critical words became daggers of truth to him.  His confidence went down along with my respect.

Then I read this amazing article and had a moment of conviction. I needed to stop focusing on him and focus on Him. I can’t fix my husband and my husband can’t fix me. So I started putting it in God’s hands, focusing on how I could be a godly wife and practicing giving grace. Yes, he’d messed up, often. But that’s what grace was all about: forgiving him and letting it go even if I didn’t think he deserved it….again.

And we’d said forever. It wasn’t about a feeling, rather the promise we’d made; not just to each other but to God.

Instead of always expecting mess ups, I’ve just been working on not expecting so much. I’m trying to zero my focus to making sure we succeeded this life together. Yes, that was always my intent: for him/us to succeed at life.  But now, my focus had changed a little. I wanted us to succeed at us. I started thinking of more ways I could help us. Even if it meant cheating.

You helped your marriage by cheating?! Not that kind. I mean like giving him the answers to the test. When I get to come home a little early, instead of worrying if he’d done what he’d told me, yet, I make a point to call or text him as a heads up. Then, if he hasn’t, he can scramble to get it done before I walked in the door to be disappointmented and/or frustrated. Should he need the heads up? Should he have just followed through with his word? Probably not and probably so. I don’t know, but I think that’s what grace is. You know, like a grace period for your bills, maybe?

Not earned/deserved. Its a gift.

What if he does it every day for a month? Does he still deserve that forgiveness? Grace says yes, he does. And should you hold back that just-because back rub because of his forgetfulness? Grace says give it anyway.

I have found that in my practicing grace, my anger and frustration is more quickly forgotten. This grace thing is so good for both of us.

Enough rambling. My point is, I want to change the quote, rather add something to it. A good marriage isn’t just about forgiving each other. You have to forgive gracefully. Over and over again, life every time is the first.  A successful marriage is the partnership of two graceful forgivers. They don’t forgive just because they’re supposed to, because the apology was good enough, because they owe it or because the person deserves it. They forgive because they love each other. The forgiveness is a gift. An unearned gift. One stooping to the other to lift them back up. Side by side, even.

For Valentine’s Day, I’ve created this grace and love inspired print for your taking. Its yours to do as you please. Pin it, print it, frame it, hang it. Maybe you could even send me a picture of where and how you put it on display?

Happy Valentine’s Day, love.

click here for 8.5” x 11” jpg file

Here I am posting more than once within a month. Can you remember the last time that happened? That was meant to be a rhetorical question, smarty-pants. A change in my posting frequency can always be a sign of a change(s) in my life. Yep, you got it: I’ve been going through some more changes.

My full time management position has once again effected my school schedule and professional plan. I just can’t make the schedules work together. Not with Lilie Jo waiting at home.

I’ve dropped out completely, now, with the intentions of finishing online. Will it happen this semester? Don’t think so. This year? I hope so. Am I happy about? Ehh. You know me.

I won’t lie, though, I was feeling pretty defeated and discouraged when I first came to the conclusion. I may even be guilty of sulking a bit. But then I kicked myself in the tush and made a change of focus and perspective. Not to mention some encouragement from some really amazing people. Turns out, the pros out-weigh the cons:

• More stable day-to-day home life and routine
• More family time
• More energy
• Less running around
• Less chaotic schedules
• Less stress {all different kinds}
• More time for me {reading, blogging, photography, short trips, crafts}
• More time to serve at church

I’ll be able to focus more of my time and energy into doing the best I can with the career I have now. I’m in a great position and making decent money. Not to mention, this job will look great on a resume, so why not make the best of it and really give it my all? Who knows where it may take me.

And get this: my church just hit a big milestone. For the past year, we’ve been meeting in a theater, which has been very limiting and required us to set up and tear down every week. This past Sunday, though, we tore down for the last time and moved to a permanent location.

How coincidental is that? We’ll now have more freedom to do and more opportunities for growth. Now I’m certain Someone is trying to keep us here {instead of moving away like we originally planned}. These changes give me the opportunity to serve and give more of my time and talents to RLC.

More time for my family {home and church} makes this decision conclusion worth it.

{warning: poor image quality to come}

Another year gone. Though I can’t think of a big long list of events that occurred, a lot has passed, none the less. We are not just older individually, but another year older as a family. Though far from perfect, we’ve had another year to learn to live and work together. Part of me would say we aren’t any closer to achieving our goals, but then I take a deeper look.

time spent playing games as a fmaily is happening more and more

Sure we’re in the same town house, but its more homey and memory-filled than last year.

a few days in the sand hills of nebraska

No, we didn’t go on any vacations to far off tropical places, but we did venture west for a week with loved ones.

another sunday amongst friends at rlc

Yes, we’re still in Kentucky.  But we’ve some how managed to grow some roots, here, with new friends and a church to call home. It might be harder to leave when the time comes. But we’re leaving that timing in His hands, now.

the daily grind at jcp salon

And–big sigh–no, I still haven’t received my degree, but I have landed myself a real, grownup full time job. Though I sometimes despise it, its blessed my family in so many ways. Who knows what other doors it may open for me in the future.

christmas 2012

Sure, our savings account still isn’t where we want it to be, but we were able to have the best Christmas yet, this year. It brought so much joy being able to bless our loved ones with gifts.

I think our biggest accomplishment for 2012 has been our family’s spiritual growth. As a whole, our relationship with God is stronger. Our obedience is more consistant. We have felt His love so strongly this year. He’s saved and blessed us so much. Through Him, our bonds with each other are stronger. We love each other more and forgive each other faster.

No, 2012 may not have been eventful, but it was a blessed one, indeed. More than going and doing, we were growing and learning. I can’t wait to see what He has in store for us in 2013.

During one of our visits to the public library, I continued to stroll some while Billy and Lilie Jo stood in line to check out their findings.  On one of the end caps, a title didn’t just catch my eye; rather it reached out grabbed me by the callar and said, “LOOK AT ME!”

So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore was written on the cover.  Whaaat?!  Its written by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Colemen.  What made me even more curious, than the title alone, was the weathered cover.  This bad boy was broken in quite nicely, which meant I was definitely not the only innocent passerby it had abducted.  But before you get all bent out of shape about the title, hear me out: its not what you think.  Well, kind of.

Billy is actually the one who checked the book out and read it first.  It was the first book he’d read in years.  The first one I’ve ever witnessed, for sure. He finished it in two days, which is another feat all of its own.  I’ve never seen him so affected.  Not even by a movie {which are his version of my books}.  Then I got my hands on it.

This book, which is actually written in a fictional story form, fed my hunger for having a relationship with the Father even more.  The book takes the focus off of the church as an organization/building.  It reminds us that we won’t find a relationship with God there.  The book points out that part of Jesus sacrifice was not just freedom from sin, but freedom to have our own relationship directly with God anytime, anywhere.  The church cannot provide that for us.  When I say relationship, I mean a real, life relationship with Him.  As in an exchanging of communication and/or actions between/for one another.

It also changed my full definition of being set free through the crucifiction.

I almost ran out of sticky notes, there were so many awesome passages.  Let me share a few of my favorites?

The more he grew to trust God’s love, the freer he was from those desires that consumed him. Only by trusting Jesus can anyone experience real freedom.

page 47

…it simply respects the process God uses to bring people into truth. I’m not talking about different things being true for different people, but about people discovering that truth in different time frames. If we hold people accountable, they never learn to live in love. We’ll reward those who are better at putting on a front and miss those who are in the real struggle of learning to live in Jesus.

page 51

Scripture doesn’t use the language of need when talking about the vital connetion God establishes between believers. Our dependency is in Jesus alone! He’s the one we need. He’s the one we follow. He’s the one God wants us to trust and rely on for everything. When we put the body of Christ {church} in that place, we make an idol of it, and we end up wrapped in knots over such a situation. Religion survives by telling us we need to fall in line or some horrible fate will befalls us… We share body life {church} together, not because we have to, but because we get to.

page 62

That’s where religion has done the most damage. By making people dependent on its leaders, it has made God’s people passive in their own spiritual growth. We wait for others to show us how, or even just follow them in hopes that they’re getting it right. Jesus wants this relationship with you and he wants you to be an active part in that process.

page 112

Seriously, I could go on and on here, but I’d probably end up copy and pasting the whole book.  If there is anything I’ve ever wanted you to do most, its reading this book.

Whether you’re a believer, skeptical, against it or just testing the waters: read it.

This summer, I’ll be spending a lot of time in the garden.  I plan for this one to be the first of many From the Garden posts.  Some may be more on the ‘philosophical’ side, but most will be hands-on and how-tos.

Over the past month, or so, something has happened inside me.  Something wonderful and comforting.  Something I haven’t felt in, probably, a decade or more.  Locational peace.  What does that mean?  Well, the world to me, really.

Since right before I graduated high school, I’ve always been planning and looking forward to getting away.  Away from Kentucky.  Away from everything I know.  Away from my “comfort zone.”  Away from the familiar, really.  I wanted room to run, explore and go on adventures.  I’ve never been able to really settle, because I’m always hoping and looking for that ticket out of here.

About a year and a half ago, something happened that would change that feeling, and I didn’t even realize it.  Billy and I decided to partner up and get the heck out of dodge.  We reserved a moving truck and started scouring the internet for apartments in Wilmington, NC.  My heart is most definitely in the Carolinas.  They are constantly whispering never-ending sweet nothings, only I can hear, it seems.

I prayed and prayed about the move and whether or not it was truly for us.  Then, just two months before, something in my gut said ‘no;’ not Carolina.  Not yet, anyway.  But I had to get back in school and get that degree, because I was drowning in the salon world. So, we decided on Bowling Green {only an hour away} and everything just fell into place, from there.

We’ve been here over a year and I’m just finally getting that settled-in feeling.  I actually like Bowling Green.  We’ve found an awesome church body to be a part of and have started to really join the community around us.

Don’t get me wrong.  I still hear the Carolinas’ beckon call, but for the first time in ten years, I’m not rushing to get away.  I know we still have at least one more year here, and then its in God’s hands where we’ll be {here or elsewhere}.

I finally feel peace, though.  Even though some things around me are still out of whack and sometimes near unbearable, I feel peaceful, here, in this place.  I can really feel myself starting to trust Him more with my life, too.  He is faithful and He’s showing me just that.  He will get me where I need to be.

We just have to listen.  And with listening, comes peace.

And, oh, what a glorious feeling that is.

Have you had to make any big decisions lately?  Have you asked for help, yet?  What decisions are you currently struggling with?

Mornin’, darlin’!  Looks like another beautiful day is waking up to say ‘hey,’

This past weekend was a much needed break, from the usual, for me.  Two of my college sweeties and I headed down to Nashville for a girls’ day.  We started the trip with some way-back tunes from the always curious music collection of my good friend, MB.  That girl….

I’m not writing to get into the details of the who, what and where of the day, though.  And while there was a lot of fun times reminiscing the past, I have something else I want to talk about.  Its more about the end of the trip that really did so much for my soul.  These girls have been there for it all.  Alicia is my oldest friend {15yrs} and MB came in just in time for college {9yrs}.  They’ve seen me at my best and–Heaven forbid–my worst.

While I always knew I had the best friends a girl could ever ask for, I still always felt like there was something in my head that just made me different from the rest.  Something that kept me slightly on the edge of the group.  I couldn’t explain it, but even if/when I tried, I knew they just wouldn’t understand.  Its something that plagued me for a few years of my life.  Some sort of secret mind struggle I was having yet had absolutely no idea how to even describe or deal with it.

Then, there was that random little Shoney’s on the side of I-65.  That’s where, over brunch, we sorted it all out… well sort of.  We laid our hearts on the table for some Spring Cleaning.

We’re all in our mid twenties and have a bit more life experience under our belts.  As we sat there and talked, I felt like we just connected, all over again.  Like maybe we just finally really figured each other out…kind of.  Haha.  This is harder to put into words than I thought, but I just wanted to get it out.

I guess the point to the story is this: Whether its physical, mental or emotional, we’re all going to go through things that we don’t understand.  Sometimes, we’ll feel like we’re in it alone.  But here’s the thing: we’re not.  If you’re as lucky as me, you’ll be blessed with amazing people, who might not completely get you, but they’ll get your pain.  Eventually, they’ll experience something which makes them feel the same way.

Just when you think you’re growing apart and life is taking you in separate directions, a little experience called growing up can bring you right back together.

Does it make sense that I feel closer to a friend since they’ve started experiencing some mental/emotional hardship in life?  I feel like we’ve some how connect on a deeper level, or something, lately.  Like the “flame has been rekindled” {haha}?  I think its just the support we are able to share and appreciate for/from one another, which really brings us closer.  She’s a keeper, for sure.  We even have a “song,” now {it must be love}!

Enough rambling, though.

In conclusion, make friends, hold on to the good ones and get a therapist.  I have the first two in the bag.  Hope your weekend was even half as beneficial as mine.  I love St. Patrick’s Day.